Subject: 2008 Texas A & M Football Scouting Report
Well folks, it arrived.....the 2008Texas A & M football scouting report!
Wayfron P. Jackson: 6' 6", 215 lbs. Wide Receiver. Hottest prospect from
Texas in the last ten years. Loves rap music. Will demand a mini- cassette in
his helmet. Currently holds world record for the most "you knows" during an
interview (62 in one minute). Wayfron can print his complete name.
Cletis Quinticious Jenkins: 6' 3", 220 lbs.. Running Back. Set state
scoring record out of TritonHigh School, Dunn, N.C. Also led the
state in burglaries, but has only 9 convictions. He has been clocked
at 4.2 seconds in the 40 yard dash with a 19" TV under each arm.
Roosevelt "Dude" Dansell: 6' 1", 195 lbs. Running Back. From Tyler,
Texas. Has processed hair and imitates Billy Dee Williams very well.
Before he signed his letter of intent, he wanted the school to change
colors to chartreuse and pink. Listed his church preference as "red
Woodrow Lee Washington: 6' 8", 310 lbs Tackle. From a 4th generation
welfare family. At 19 he's the oldest of 21 children. Mother claims
Woodrow and child number 9 have same father. He has a manslaughter
trial pending but feels he will be found innocent because: "The dude said
something bad 'bout my Momma." On his entrance form, he listed his
I.Q. as 20-20.
Willie "Night Train" Smith: 6'4", 225 lbs. Quarterback. Born on an
Amtrak train. Birth certificate indicates he is 27 years old. Thinks the "N"
on Nebraska's helmets stands for "Nowledge," but still meets this
school's stringent entrance requirements. Insists on wearing number 32 jersey
since it matches his SAT score.
Tyrone "Python" Peoples: 6'10", 228 lbs. Wide Receiver. Has a pending
paternity suit and two rape trials, but hopes none of his other 9
victims will file charges. Tyrone had already signed letters of intent with six
other colleges but was also willing to sign with us. Likes wild women and red Cadillacs. Thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican Telephone Company.
Abdul Hashish Abba Ali: 6'10", 305 lbs. Guard. Played high school ball under the
name Sylvester LeRoy Jones until he discovered religion. Abdul thinks Sherlock
Holmes is a housing project in Jacksonville. Doesn't know the meaning of the
word "fear." (Doesn't know the meaning of many other words, either.)
Note: College track coaches intend to use several of the above signees
in their track programs. However, instead of using a starting gun at track
meets, the NCAA has now agreed to use a burglar alarm....this, they hope, will
keep the runners alert