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Location: Missouri/Arkansas
Joined: 08/21/2003
Posts: 891
A month's supply of rational thought:

The following is a list of the world's Brainless Elite:

1. People who insist everyone refer to restrooms as ''lavatory facilities.'' Nothing could sound nerdier than while drinking an untold volume of alcohol with friends at a bar, I announce ''excuse me guys, I need to utilize the lavatory facility.'' God that sounds so totally retarded, try reading that out loud, you'll see what I mean. banghead

2. People who can't seem to muster the courage to drive more than 40 mph in a 55 mph zone! These jerks also frequently speed up when you try to pass them, particularly while attempting to pass on the shoulder (or so I've heard, I've never tried that). Mad

3. People that sit there and get all moist-faced and teary-eyed while listening to Enya. They'll wimper about how warm and soft the flow is. My suspicion is they are actually referring to the flow of urine in their pants that is also running down their leg.

4. People who use internet-shorthand. There is no experience on the web that is more annoying than trying to read emails from people who seem to have difficulty with words like ''you'' and ''why'' and ''to'' and ''too.'' What image do these people think they are conveying to others when their emails look like this: ''hay wuz up u kno what time 2 b at sk00l tom?'' Or my favorite ''sup man how u been? g2g ttyl. L8ter!!!'' The first thing that comes to my mind whenever I encounter one of these cross-eyed little nitwits is Samuel L. Jackson's line from Pulp Fiction: ''ENGLISH, MOTHER******, DO YOU SPEAK IT?!?'' Think

5. People who run up and hug me thinking I am someone else, then say ''oops, I'm sorry, I thought you were my friend James (or whatever).'' I'm not James. I don't know who James is, but he is probably an ***hole. eye roll

6. People who constantly take meds for every little thing. I have had people walk up to me when they saw me take an aspirin, like last week when I had a cold, and just ask for one. They didn't actually even see what it was, for all they know I was ingesting cyanide pellets. Sure you can have one! Thumbs up

Well, I've griped enough for now. The list of people I think should be killed is in reality far more extensive than this and includes people from all walks of life; from the poor man in the alley to Bill Gates himself. They all suck. Thanks to the people I have described above, if an asteroid the size of California slammed into the Earth tomorrow, it would be a boon for all of humanity; we would all die. :\:D/

Ok, I lied. I haven't griped enough yet. The Brainless Elite are a growing army that has already reached frightening proportions. Just the other day I was sorting through my inbox, reading through all the pointless, brainless, witless absurdity that people send me when I came across this little beauty:

''hey you stupid fag,maybe you should stfu about sod cause you are just a dumb queer and you like to fondle your dogs.ps stop lying your not a dr no dr i know lives in a trailer park''

There was a bit more profanity in the raw version, the jerk couldn't go ten words without throwing in the F-word or accusing me of having sex with various barnyard animals. SOD stands for System of a Down, which in further translation is just another example of crappy teenage rage music. It's no secret that I get lots of hate-mail ranging from mere one-line wonders filled with profanity and homosexual insults to ten-paragraph tirades with more racial slurs than an Eddie Murphy movie. Then there's the death threats, and ah yes, of course, legal threats.

So clearly the Brainless Elite consists of many more individuals than bad drivers, druggies, political correctness advocates, and so on. The Brainless Elite is rather a very broad spectrum, a phylum containing thousands, if not millions, of species and sub-species. some more examples include:

- telemarketers
- people who listen to rap music
- conservatives
- liberals
- Paris Hilton and people who like Paris Hilton
- people I simply do not like

That's just a very small list of examples, just a few prime examples of the Brainless Elite. My World Civilizations professor might hold a Phd, or ten, but he is still part of the Brainless Elite. I don't like him! Talk to the Hand

Anyway, dealing with or trying to repell any member of the Brainless Elite can range from relatively simple to monumentally difficult. Some can discouraged simply with a shove, others may be more determined, so a sharp blow to the snout may be called for. Unfortunately, some can be quite aggressive, particularly when stimulated by the presence of smart people, in which case drastic measures may be necessary. Those are for you to decide. If you are unable to deter the Brainless Elite individual, you will be subjected to Brainlessness of the most Elite Variety, and that, friends, would be pretty stupid.

expatriate's picture
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Location: Arizona
Joined: 10/26/2002
Posts: 3207
A month's supply of rational thought:

AMEN to the list. The other night I was leaving the church after a scouting event and I looked up at the coat rack to get my hat. It wasn't there. This upset me a bit, as it's a nice felt drover model that wasn't cheap and to which I've become somewhat attached.

So I went around asking the kids, thinking somebody might've been goofing around with it. That wasn't the case.

As I wandered around trying to find my hat, I saw another by the same manufacturer, albeit it lighter in color, with a different band and smaller, flat brim sitting on a rack on the opposite side of the church.

I figured out who the owner was, and was finally able to reach him by phone the next day. I asked him if he'd been at the church the previous night, and he said he had. "I think I've got your hat," I told him.

His explanation? "I was looking for my hat and saw yours sitting on the rack. It wasn't where I left it, so I figured someone moved mine to the other side of the church. It didn't look like mine, but I didn't know of anybody else that had one similar so I figured it must've been mine."

That's right...it was easier for him to believe that someone had moved his hat to another part of the building and changed its color and shape rather than think there might be two people on the planet who bought hats from the same manufacturer.

The world's full of them -- and they keep Bill Engvall in business.

Offline
Location: Missouri/Arkansas
Joined: 08/21/2003
Posts: 891
A month's supply of rational thought:

There's a true ''brainiac'' for you!

rambo's picture
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Location: Winnipeg,MB
Joined: 10/16/2005
Posts: 102
A month's supply of rational thought:

lol, the hat thing is pretty stupid. and i agree with your list but out of curiousity what caused this convorsation?

Offline
Location: Missouri/Arkansas
Joined: 08/21/2003
Posts: 891
A month's supply of rational thought:

''lol, the hat thing is pretty stupid. and i agree with your list but out of curiousity what caused this convorsation?''

Nothing. Nothing, of course, except for the fact that I am an irrepressible genius and I revel in the stupidity of others.

expatriate's picture
Offline
Location: Arizona
Joined: 10/26/2002
Posts: 3207
A month's supply of rational thought:

Hey genius...you misspelled "irrepressible."

Offline
Location: Missouri/Arkansas
Joined: 08/21/2003
Posts: 891
A month's supply of rational thought:

There, I fixed it. Back to being an IRREPRESSIBLE genius.

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