Every sport has a guy like this.
I know a guy that knows everything there is to know about hunting, and every time the subject comes up he'll start condescending with great enthusiasm and tell you what kind of gear you need, where to go, what techniques to use, etc. What makes it worse is that he apparently comes from old money, because nothing he ever comes up with is cheap -- he's grown up around so much money that he can't comprehend the idea that someone might not have five gun safes or drop a couple grand on a shotgun. This is a guy from Texas who came up to Alaska and started telling experienced Alaska hunters how it's done -- before he even put one toe into the bush.
He's hunted everywhere up here, knows all the spots, and goes out and really tears it up. Again and again, I've listened to his theories and told him, "that won't work because..." And again and again he's come home empty handed and proceeded to "teach" me what I'd already told him before he left. The funny thing is that for all of his "been there, done that, and you're lucky to have access to my knowledge" mentality, he has always come back empty handed -- except for the time he plunked down $3700 to have a guy drive out in a field on his ranch, pick out a buffalo for him, and let him shoot it.
I was talking business with him and another guy yesterday and the subject of the Haul Road came up. If you don't know what it is, it's the 400 mile road up to Prudhoe Bay. He immediately started in on me, telling me I've gotta take my bow up there for caribou (you can't hunt with firearms within 5 miles of the road/pipeline). I've told him repeatedly that I don't bow hunt, but once again he forgot all about that. So then his eyes got that rabid look and he started going off about how he knows the perfect spot that's full of trophy bulls -- you have to hike five miles into the tundra and climb a thousand feet up a mountain, but the place is full of record book bulls because they hang out up there to get away from the bugs.
I stood there listening to this, remembering how we'd had a similar discussion last year where he started going on about how easy it was gonna be to go up north, wade into a sea of caribou, and arrow one. Then he'd dragged another guy up there and hauled butt all over miles and miles of tundra chasing caribou, only to discover that once again I was right -- they know their threat is bow hunters and move away when you get within 70 yards unless you stalk them right. No caribou in The Man's freezer.
I couldn't take it anymore. Knowing his record, I interrupted his wide-eyed tale of the caribou honey hole, looked at him with his empty freezer and said, "Is that where you got yours?" The light in his eyes flickered and dimmed for a moment (PRICELESS), and he said, "Uh, no...but it's near where I got a shot at one."
I think he's working a deal now to go shoot shoot an elk on the same ranch as the buffalo. If he does, I'm sure he'll throw down the money for the biggest bull on the farm, and will then brag to everyone he sees about it.