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expatriate's picture
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The Mighty Hunter

Every sport has a guy like this.

I know a guy that knows everything there is to know about hunting, and every time the subject comes up he'll start condescending with great enthusiasm and tell you what kind of gear you need, where to go, what techniques to use, etc. What makes it worse is that he apparently comes from old money, because nothing he ever comes up with is cheap -- he's grown up around so much money that he can't comprehend the idea that someone might not have five gun safes or drop a couple grand on a shotgun. This is a guy from Texas who came up to Alaska and started telling experienced Alaska hunters how it's done -- before he even put one toe into the bush.

He's hunted everywhere up here, knows all the spots, and goes out and really tears it up. Again and again, I've listened to his theories and told him, "that won't work because..." And again and again he's come home empty handed and proceeded to "teach" me what I'd already told him before he left. The funny thing is that for all of his "been there, done that, and you're lucky to have access to my knowledge" mentality, he has always come back empty handed -- except for the time he plunked down $3700 to have a guy drive out in a field on his ranch, pick out a buffalo for him, and let him shoot it.

I was talking business with him and another guy yesterday and the subject of the Haul Road came up. If you don't know what it is, it's the 400 mile road up to Prudhoe Bay. He immediately started in on me, telling me I've gotta take my bow up there for caribou (you can't hunt with firearms within 5 miles of the road/pipeline). I've told him repeatedly that I don't bow hunt, but once again he forgot all about that. So then his eyes got that rabid look and he started going off about how he knows the perfect spot that's full of trophy bulls -- you have to hike five miles into the tundra and climb a thousand feet up a mountain, but the place is full of record book bulls because they hang out up there to get away from the bugs.

I stood there listening to this, remembering how we'd had a similar discussion last year where he started going on about how easy it was gonna be to go up north, wade into a sea of caribou, and arrow one. Then he'd dragged another guy up there and hauled butt all over miles and miles of tundra chasing caribou, only to discover that once again I was right -- they know their threat is bow hunters and move away when you get within 70 yards unless you stalk them right. No caribou in The Man's freezer.

I couldn't take it anymore. Knowing his record, I interrupted his wide-eyed tale of the caribou honey hole, looked at him with his empty freezer and said, "Is that where you got yours?" The light in his eyes flickered and dimmed for a moment (PRICELESS), and he said, "Uh, no...but it's near where I got a shot at one."

I think he's working a deal now to go shoot shoot an elk on the same ranch as the buffalo. If he does, I'm sure he'll throw down the money for the biggest bull on the farm, and will then brag to everyone he sees about it.

ADKBEAR's picture
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The Mighty Hunter

Gota love the "Great White Hunter" Thumbs up

WesternHunter's picture
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The Mighty Hunter

Oh yeah, I know the type. The people who do all the talking and are so full of themselves that they never hear anything you have to say, no matter how important it is to the conversation, or how experienced you yourself may be on the subject. Tend to come across those every once in a while. Tend to avoid them too.

Just came across one early this week at my neighborhood park. Was playing with my son on the jungle-gym while overhearing a balding man (about retirement age) teaching who I presume was his teenage son on how to play soccer. I mean the kid was about 18 years old, so I would assume he would have known a thing or two about soccer to begin with, but the dad was teaching and instructing him as if the boy had lived locked in a bank vault all his life and was just now joining the world for the first time, and the dad did all the talking.

I still can recite word for word the most humourous statement he made: "You see Dave, what I like about soccor is that at times it requires the finess and delicateness of threading a needle, and other times it requires the force of slamming a Rhino" I'll tell ya, had to really bite my tongue hard to keep from exploding in laughter on that one. Chatted with the guy later on for just a brief freindly bit, and oh yeah, I knew he was that type. The talker, the know-it-all, didn't even know I'd said a word.

Funny thing is that in my experience the biggest talkers and the ones billing themselves as being the overall expert go-to-guy, are usually the ones who've just gotten into something recently, pursued it enthusiastically and acquired a bit of knowledge about a subject or hobby and now think they know more than everyone else about it. I find it to be the case 9 out of 10 times. You know the type, the well read novice!

Don Fischer's picture
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The Mighty Hunter

Ah the Dalton Hwy aka the Haul Road! I used to have some neat photo's of it. Will see if I can find a few. Used to be a small Spruce tree up there with a sign stating it was the farthest north tree in the country. Maybe it was the world, gotta find those photo's, I had the tree!

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The Mighty Hunter

just like any other deltasealsniperberet.

saskie's picture
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Re: The Mighty Hunter
expatriate wrote:
Every sport has a guy like this.

I know a guy that knows everything there is to know about hunting, and every time the subject comes up he'll start condescending with great enthusiasm and tell you what kind of gear you need, where to go, what techniques to use, etc. What makes it worse is that he apparently comes from old money, because nothing he ever comes up with is cheap -- he's grown up around so much money that he can't comprehend the idea that someone might not have five gun safes or drop a couple grand on a shotgun. This is a guy from Texas who came up to Alaska and started telling experienced Alaska hunters how it's done -- before he even put one toe into the bush.

He's hunted everywhere up here, knows all the spots, and goes out and really tears it up. Again and again, I've listened to his theories and told him, "that won't work because..." And again and again he's come home empty handed and proceeded to "teach" me what I'd already told him before he left. The funny thing is that for all of his "been there, done that, and you're lucky to have access to my knowledge" mentality, he has always come back empty handed -- except for the time he plunked down $3700 to have a guy drive out in a field on his ranch, pick out a buffalo for him, and let him shoot it.

I was talking business with him and another guy yesterday and the subject of the Haul Road came up. If you don't know what it is, it's the 400 mile road up to Prudhoe Bay. He immediately started in on me, telling me I've gotta take my bow up there for caribou (you can't hunt with firearms within 5 miles of the road/pipeline). I've told him repeatedly that I don't bow hunt, but once again he forgot all about that. So then his eyes got that rabid look and he started going off about how he knows the perfect spot that's full of trophy bulls -- you have to hike five miles into the tundra and climb a thousand feet up a mountain, but the place is full of record book bulls because they hang out up there to get away from the bugs.

I stood there listening to this, remembering how we'd had a similar discussion last year where he started going on about how easy it was gonna be to go up north, wade into a sea of caribou, and arrow one. Then he'd dragged another guy up there and hauled butt all over miles and miles of tundra chasing caribou, only to discover that once again I was right -- they know their threat is bow hunters and move away when you get within 70 yards unless you stalk them right. No caribou in The Man's freezer.

I couldn't take it anymore. Knowing his record, I interrupted his wide-eyed tale of the caribou honey hole, looked at him with his empty freezer and said, "Is that where you got yours?" The light in his eyes flickered and dimmed for a moment (PRICELESS), and he said, "Uh, no...but it's near where I got a shot at one."

I think he's working a deal now to go shoot shoot an elk on the same ranch as the buffalo. If he does, I'm sure he'll throw down the money for the biggest bull on the farm, and will then brag to everyone he sees about it.

Awww, c'mon. Chester Golf's not that bad neener! Laugh

WesternHunter's picture
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The Mighty Hunter
remington wrote:
just like any other deltasealsniperberet.

The old "Hall of Shame"

cowgal's picture
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The Mighty Hunter

Ha ha! This story reminded me of the hunters I used to meet when I was selling hunting licenses in the fall. Many moons ago when we had to handwrite hunting licenses (before electronic and online license sales lol ) I used to help a local business in the fall with license sales. Oh the stories I heard! I enjoyed meeting all the guys from all over the country and most were super nice, but some were pretty crazy and really full of themselves. Some guys sure like to brag! eye roll

Some came dragging in after driving often times 24 hours straight, would buy their license the evening before opening day, and expect YOU to tell them where they could go for a guaranteed elk - on public land of course!

I actually miss those days, I had a good time.

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Re: The Mighty Hunter
saskie wrote:
expatriate wrote:
Every sport has a guy like this.

I know a guy that knows everything there is to know about hunting, and every time the subject comes up he'll start condescending with great enthusiasm and tell you what kind of gear you need, where to go, what techniques to use, etc. What makes it worse is that he apparently comes from old money, because nothing he ever comes up with is cheap -- he's grown up around so much money that he can't comprehend the idea that someone might not have five gun safes or drop a couple grand on a shotgun. This is a guy from Texas who came up to Alaska and started telling experienced Alaska hunters how it's done -- before he even put one toe into the bush.

He's hunted everywhere up here, knows all the spots, and goes out and really tears it up. Again and again, I've listened to his theories and told him, "that won't work because..." And again and again he's come home empty handed and proceeded to "teach" me what I'd already told him before he left. The funny thing is that for all of his "been there, done that, and you're lucky to have access to my knowledge" mentality, he has always come back empty handed -- except for the time he plunked down $3700 to have a guy drive out in a field on his ranch, pick out a buffalo for him, and let him shoot it.

I was talking business with him and another guy yesterday and the subject of the Haul Road came up. If you don't know what it is, it's the 400 mile road up to Prudhoe Bay. He immediately started in on me, telling me I've gotta take my bow up there for caribou (you can't hunt with firearms within 5 miles of the road/pipeline). I've told him repeatedly that I don't bow hunt, but once again he forgot all about that. So then his eyes got that rabid look and he started going off about how he knows the perfect spot that's full of trophy bulls -- you have to hike five miles into the tundra and climb a thousand feet up a mountain, but the place is full of record book bulls because they hang out up there to get away from the bugs.

I stood there listening to this, remembering how we'd had a similar discussion last year where he started going on about how easy it was gonna be to go up north, wade into a sea of caribou, and arrow one. Then he'd dragged another guy up there and hauled butt all over miles and miles of tundra chasing caribou, only to discover that once again I was right -- they know their threat is bow hunters and move away when you get within 70 yards unless you stalk them right. No caribou in The Man's freezer.

I couldn't take it anymore. Knowing his record, I interrupted his wide-eyed tale of the caribou honey hole, looked at him with his empty freezer and said, "Is that where you got yours?" The light in his eyes flickered and dimmed for a moment (PRICELESS), and he said, "Uh, no...but it's near where I got a shot at one."

I think he's working a deal now to go shoot shoot an elk on the same ranch as the buffalo. If he does, I'm sure he'll throw down the money for the biggest bull on the farm, and will then brag to everyone he sees about it.

Awww, c'mon. Chester Golf's not that bad neener! Laugh

That's right.... I don't bow hunt. neener!

expatriate's picture
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Posts: 3207
The Mighty Hunter

You know, with beer like Canada's there's no reason why you guys can't get along.

bitmasher's picture
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The Mighty Hunter

I've never met a hunter like that, but I have met people that exhibit that mentality in other areas of life. I try to avoid them and frankly don't trust them that much, largely because there seems to be a fundamental connection between reality and fantasy land.

Bowhunting on flat wide-open land like tundra or prairie is very hard. I think even non-hunters realize this without even trying it.

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