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Don Fischer's picture
Location: Antelope, Ore
Joined: 03/24/2005
Posts: 3213
List's for dog and cat lover's

Found this on a bird dog site and couldn't pass it up.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other

dishes are mine and contain my food.

Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not

stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that

aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me

to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall

faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about

this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your

comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It

is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the

fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and

having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but


For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some

miracle I beat you there and manage to g et the door shut, it is not

necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under

the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I

entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline

attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I

cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our

front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit &Like to Complain About Our Pets

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.

(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an a dopted son/daughter who is

short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less

2. Don't ask for money all the time

3 Are easier to train

4. Usually come when called

5. Never drive your car

6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends

7. Don't smoke or drink

8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions

9. Don't wear your clothes

10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and

11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

redrider's picture
Location: NE Kansas
Joined: 03/20/2006
Posts: 2589
List's for dog and cat lover's

I liked that Thumbs up Especially liking my dog more than most people Yes