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Location: Wandering the World, Currently at Ft. Campbell, KY
Joined: 10/05/2006
Posts: 206
Irish Jokes

Only the Irishhave Jokes Like These Oldies

Into a Belfastpub comes Paddy Murphy,
looking like he'd just been run over by a train.
His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken,
his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.

"W hat happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.

"J amie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.

"T hat little shit, O'Conner," says Sean,
"He couldn't do that to you,
he must have had something in his hand."

"T hat he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had,
and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."

"W ell," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself,
didn't you have something in your hand?"

That I did," said Paddy.
"Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of
beauty it was, but useless in a fight."

*********************************************************** ***********************************************

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink
is driving home from the city one night and,
of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.

Acop pulls him over.

"S o," says the cop to the driver,
where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course,"
slurs the drunk.

"W ell," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite
a few to drink this evening."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.

"D id you know," says the cop, standing straight and
folding his arms across his chest,
"that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"

"O h, thank heavens," sighs the drunk.
"F or a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

***********************************************************************************************************

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual,
when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.

"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks.
"I've somethin' to tell ya".
" Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim.
But where's my husband?"

" That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda."
There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."

" Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."

" Imust, Brenda. Your husband Shamus
is dead and gone. I'm sorry.

F inally, she looked up at Tim.
"How did it happen, Tim?"

" It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat
of Guinness Stout and drowned."

" Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim.
Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, Brenda... no. In fact,
he got out three times to pee."

************************************************************************************************************

M ary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after
his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.

H e says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"

S he says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news.
My husband passed away last night."

T he priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible.
Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"

S he says, "That he did, Father."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? "

S he says, He said,
'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'

*********************************************************************************************************

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church,
enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.

T he Priest coughs a few times to get his
attention but the drunk continues to sit there

F inally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
T he drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin,
there's no paper on this side either!"

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Joined: 08/27/2004
Posts: 1964
Irish Jokes

Since Im Irish I got a better kick outta those good jokes man keep em commin.
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