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cowgal's picture
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Embarrassing Medical Exams

1. A man comes into the ER and yells . .. .' My wife's going to have her
baby in the cab!' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, Lifted the
lady's dress and began to take off her under- wear. Suddenly I noticed
that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. ' Big breaths,' I
instructed. ' Yes, they used to be,'. . . replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a Wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he
had died of a ' massive internal fart.'

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with
one of his medications. ' Which one ?'. . . I asked. ' The patch . . . the
Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out
of places to put it!' I had him quickly undress and discovered what I
hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked. ' How
long have you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion she
answered . . ..' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was
alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Steven S wanson- Corvallis , OR

6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking
up on a man I asked . . ..' So how's your breakfast this morning?' ' It's
very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the
taste.'. .. . Bob replied. I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced
a foil packet labeled ' KY Jelly.'

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with
purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of
tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered . . .It was quickly
determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled
for immediate surgery.. When she was completely disrobed on the operating
table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and
above it there was a tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.' Once
the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's
dressing, which said ' Sorry . . .had to mow the lawn.'

Submitted by RN no name

AND FINALLY ! ! ! . . ... . . . . . . . .. . . . . .

8. As a new, young MD doing my residency in OB , I was quite embarrassed
when performing female pelvic exams.. To cover my embarrassment I had
unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady
upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and
further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said. . .' I'm
sorry. Was I tickling you ? ' She replied with tears running down her
cheeks from laughing so hard . . . 'No doctor, but the song you were
whistling was . . .' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.' '

Dr. wouldn't submit his name

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Embarrassing Medical Exams

Laugh Laugh Laugh Laugh Laugh Laugh

expatriate's picture
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Posts: 3207
Embarrassing Medical Exams

I used to think doctors were a lot funnier until I turned 40. Female doctors may have smaller fingers, but fingernails are a pain in the a$$.

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Embarrassing Medical Exams

Thank you so much for sharing Expat!! eye roll

expatriate's picture
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Embarrassing Medical Exams

No problem -- just don't tell Civet or he'll get all excited. Just a word to the wise -- if you're not past 40, pick your doctors carefully when you are. The kindly person with the caring manner turns into Torquemada at that point.

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Embarrassing Medical Exams

I'm about to turn 45 so will you please get back in your igloo and shut the heck up!! I'm in denial and I'm not coming out!!! I do not want, nor will I accept a 17 ft camera up my bunnybutt for my birthday!!

Oh God I just had a nightmare of a thought thanks to you Expat! I'm lying on the exam table waiting for the "festivities to begin", I can see what appeares to be one of the big cameras they use to film the Leno show ready for our intimate encounter and as the Doctor walks in behind me I hear the nurse say " Yes Dr. Civetcat, the patient is ready".

expatriate's picture
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Location: Arizona
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Posts: 3207
Embarrassing Medical Exams

Don't worry, Bunny...from what I'm seeing on the "hunter height" thread, you and JTap qualify for the 13 foot scope. neener!

The cool thing is that I think nowadays they can send the video straight to YouTube. Hey -- I guess that gives whole new meaning to that URL, doesn't it?

Just remember to close your eyes, breathe slowly and deeply, wiggle your toes, and chant softly, "There's no place like home...there's no place like home...there's no place like home..."

When you see your tonsils in the TV screen, you know it's almost over.

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Location: California
Joined: 09/06/2008
Posts: 1071
Embarrassing Medical Exams

In the immortal words of that great philosopher Daffy Duck, you're despicable! !

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Embarrassing Medical Exams

Wow !!
Now I wish I had not clicked on this topic. sad

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