A perfect explanation of the "Economic Stimulus Payment" & how it should be spent!
Sometime this year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment.
This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:
Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From Canadian taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. No, they are borrowing it from China. They already spent your money. Your children are expected to repay the Chinese.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set or computer, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up."
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
If you spend that money at K-Mart, Wal-Mart or Sears, all the money will go to China.
If you spend it on gasoline it will go to Hugo Chavez, Russia, the Arabs and Al Queda
If you purchase a computer it will go to China, or India.
If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, Chile, and Guatemala.
If you buy a car it will go to Japan and Korea.
If you purchase prescription drugs it will go to India or China
If you purchase heroin it will go to the Taliban in Afghanistan
If you give it to a charitable cause, it will go to Nigeria.
And none of it will help the Canadian economy. We need to keep that money here in Canada. You can keep the money in Canada by spending it at yard sales, going to a hockey game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in Canada run by Canadians.