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Ca_Vermonster's picture
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Grand Slam Challenge Winner!Moderator
Location: San Diego, CA
Joined: 07/27/2007
Posts: 5729
The answering machine

THE TRANSCRIPT OF THE NEW ANSWERING SERVICE RECENTLY INSTALLED AT THE
MENTAL HEALTH INSTITUTE:

"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline. If you are
obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you now.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the
line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the
mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell
you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press
- no one will answer anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the star and pound
keys until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number,
date of birth, social security number, and your mother's
maiden name.

If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or
before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self esteem. Please hang up. All our operators are too
busy to talk to you.

jaybe's picture
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Grand Slam Challenge Winner!
Location: S.E. Michigan
Joined: 10/19/2010
Posts: 817
Now that's funny.  I think

Now that's funny.

 I think about half them apply to me! Yes

CVC
CVC's picture
Offline
Grand Slam Challenge Winner!
Location: Kansas
Joined: 03/04/2006
Posts: 3586
Yep, that is funny.

Yep, that is funny.

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