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saskie's picture
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Location: West Carleton, Ottawa, Canada
Joined: 12/23/2002
Posts: 1264
Airline Safety....

Oh the joys of the English language...!!

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high
school diploma to fix one...reassurance for those of us who fly
routinely in our jobs. After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a
form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems
with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document
their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets
before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack
a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints
submitted by Qantas' pilots
(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever,
had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

**************

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

**************

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

**************

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

**************

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

**************

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

**************

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

***************

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

***************

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

***************

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

**************

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

***************

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

**************

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

***************

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
***************

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget

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Joined: 12/03/2005
Posts: 1691
Airline Safety....

Big smile Big smile Big smile

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Location: texas
Joined: 04/23/2006
Posts: 483
airline safety

Thanks so much. I almost suspect I feel safer with all this knowledge.

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